Well Aren’t You a Peach!

Aren't you a peach - by C-Section Comics

Hey there, aren’t you a peach!
I don’t really want to preach
but I can’t tell by any means
how peaches differ from nectarines.

Yes, the peach has a slight fuzz
but otherwise no difference, ’cause
both peaches and them nectarines
have almost the exact same genes.

Even though you won’t agree,
they all look the same to me.
So you may say, without dispute,
that I’m racist towards fruit.

——————

More you say? Here’s a comic about Pistachios.

Vitamin D

Vitamin D - by C-Section Comics

“Le poème du douchebag” (The douchebag’s poem)

Babe you are a fine female,
yet you look a little pale.
What you need, it seems to me,
is good ol’ fashioned Vitamin D.

Hey don’t go babe, hear me out –
don’t give me that MeToo pout!
I’m all in for women’s rights:
The right to feel my private parts;
The right to hear my dirty puns
(trust me I have nasty ones);
The right to be harassed by me;
I am God’s gift – can you not see?

Girl, what’s with that angry gaze?
Boy I miss the good old days
when men could tell some dirty jokes
without being cast out by folks;

When men could treat women like dirt
and pinch a hiney through a skirt.
Those days are long gone, and so now,
how’s a dude supposed to plow?

The Seventies – the golden years,
when sexual predators had no fears.
Man I miss living back then,
the best times for abusive men!

——————

🙁

——————

More comics with strange guys trying to hit on girls at bars:
Geek Dating
Find a cure

I’m a Webcomic Consumer

Webcomic Consumer - by C-Section Comics

I’m so lucky, lucky me –
I get all my comics free.
I read one, I read many,
I don’t need to pay a penny.

If I love it, good for me:
continuing my laughing spree!
Tweet, share and upvote of course –
I’ll do these without remorse.

But if I hate it I just might
comment on the artist’s site:
-click- -click- -click-, let’s hit submit:
“Your comic is a piece of shit.”

You may think I’m kinda rude,
but I’m just helping out the dude:
thanks to me the artist knows
just how much his comic blows.

——————

Forget webcomic fans or webcomic readers – the webcomic consumer changes the way we treat comics, for better or worse, since, oh, around 1998…

——————

Here are some more comics about how the internet changes things.

Everything’s OK Now

Everything's ok now - bubble comics by C-Section Comics

Want to save yourself some trouble?
Wrap yourself inside a bubble.
Bring discussion to an end –
everything’s OK now, friend!

Echo chambers are so fine:
I love to hear ideas like mine,
and hate to hear ideas I… hate.
(Man these lyrics ain’t so great.)

I love the sound of my own voice,
I shun debate, I hate discourse.
“Different views? Gee, I don’t know…
They might offend me… Thanks, but no.”

I click “unfriend”, “unfollow”, “block”,
and then I’m totally in shock
when things outside my own dominion
contradict my own opinion.

“Vaccinating actually helps?
Man evolved from ancient apes?!
Brexit, global warming, TRUMP?!
“I didn’t see THAT coming!” (*thump*)

——————

Here’s an oldie about 12 typical photos that spam my Facebook feed. And here’s another oldie about the dumbest ideas for social networks.

Solomon the Unwise

Who's the right owner - Solomon the Unwise - by C-Section Comics

King Solomon, wisest of kings,
specialized in cutting things:
“Split this here!” and “Cut this there!”
Not a thing left whole to spare.

‘Till one day an old man told him:
“Majesty, my name is Joel,
and you should stop your cutting spree –
Hey, you’re a king dude, not a mohel!”

———

Here’s another cartoon about the judgement of King Solomon the Wise, and here are all our comics about the bible.

———

Not familiar with the judgement of Solomon story? Here’s the biblical text (Kings 3:23-28):

Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.
And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.
And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.
Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.

And that’s how king Solomon found who’s the rightful owner.
———