The experience of giving birth
is unlike anything on Earth.
Many women would admit
that it’s like having a big shit.
Individuals or as a group,
Men enjoy a solid poop.
Women? Don’t see poop as fun
(Not as much as men do, hun).
If men look at poop with such favor,
they should be the ones to labor!
But nature made it all complex
and handed birth to the wrong sex.
——————
Here’s a comic about being pregnant and scared.
“I’m forty-year-old you,”
the guy had promptly said,
“And I’m here to warn you that
there’s nothing in your head.
Every instinct that you have
is so completely wrong,
and had it not been for your parents
you wouldn’t last that long.
I came back from the future
to tell you my dear lad
that you’re sixteen and stupid.
(It’s really kinda sad).
I know I only got here,
but now I must depart,
’cause leaving you with all those doubts
is clearly the best part!”
—
Here’s another comic ’bout a guy who travels back.
Doc Brown’s his name – a genius (but he’s also sorta quack).
Son, come sit on daddy’s knees.
Let’s talk for a moment please.
Let’s discuss the birds and bees –
Hey, stop running! Stop it! Freeze!
Calm down son, just be at ease.
We won’t talk about disease,
we won’t speak of pubic flees,
we won’t chat about dick cheese.
We’ll have no chat on puberty
or how are children made and born.
For this you have the internet.
It’s why god gave us online porn.
We WILL discuss the facts of life,
No, not the stupid TV show.
I’m talking ’bout the facts of life
that every one of us should know.
The most important fact of life
does not relate to intercourse.
It’s all about how birds and bees
can easily kill us, of course.
So mark my words, dear child of mine,
and this will put things in perspective:
A bee-proof suit will surely be
your most efficient contraceptive.
——
Another comic? Here you go:
This parent rants about old times
when online porn had just begun
and wasn’t really worth a dime.
I used to love watching the questions only game on Who’s Line Is It Anyway, the reason being that growing up Jewish, I was all too familiar with the concept. My parents are masters of arguing questions only style. They can fight like this for hours. In fact, this comic is based on an actual fight they had the other day. The only difference is that my father has more hair, and my mother has less hair (but more eyes).
Generally speaking, growing up Jewish is awesome because you never run out of cartoon ideas. That’s probably why Jewish people are so funny.
And depressed.
Want some examples? Why not read some more Jewish cartoons? Like the one about how dragons would suck at being Jewish? Or the one about Jesus’s mom ? or the one about why your mom shouldn’t be your Facebook friend (especially if your mom’s Jewish)? See what I did here? With this last paragraph consisting of questions only? You didn’t see it? How didn’t you see it? How could a person with any sense in his head not see it? How do you expect to be successful in life when you can’t see such a simple thing? What do you mean you don’t want to be successful? Did I raise you that way? Ok my arms are getting tired, but we’ll talk about it tomorrow.
