The Bible Archives - Page 2 of 4

David and Goliath

David and Goliath, they did not see eye to eye
because Goliath was so tall (and David couldn’t fly)
In the Valley of Elah, standing face to face,
they prepared to fight each other : triumph or disgrace.

Goliath was a tall person (a giant, you might say),
and David took advantage of this fact on that hot day.
“Wow you’re big, so FREAKING tall!” David then exclaimed.
And the giant burst in rage as David’s taunts maintained:

“You can’t hug, be intimate, or lie straight on a bed!”
Then Goliath became sad from the words Dave said.
David broke the giant’s spirit easily, it seemed,
the Philistine was beaten quicker than he ever dreamed.

Being tall is hard my friend, it’s not easy pal.
Their hardships put a strain on life, and may cause low morale.
The moral of the story? Tall men don’t have easy lives.
(Even though they easily can satisfy their wives).

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Here’s my entire archive of bible comics.

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And here’s the biblical text telling the story of David and Goliath (1 Samuel, 17):

And Saul and the men of Israel were gathered together, and pitched by the valley of Elah, and set the battle in array against the Philistines.
And the Philistines stood on a mountain on the one side, and Israel stood on a mountain on the other side: and there was a valley between them.
And there went out a champion out of the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, of Gath, whose height was six cubits and a span.
And he had an helmet of brass upon his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail; and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of brass.
…
And he stood and cried unto the armies of Israel, and said unto them, Why are ye come out to set your battle in array? am not I a Philistine, and ye servants to Saul? choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me.
If he be able to fight with me, and to kill me, then will we be your servants: but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall ye be our servants, and serve us.
…
And David said to Saul, Let no man’s heart fail because of him; thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine.
…
And he took his staff in his hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag which he had, even in a scrip; and his sling was in his hand: and he drew near to the Philistine.
And the Philistine came on and drew near unto David; and the man that bare the shield went before him.
And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance.
And the Philistine said unto David, Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
And the Philistine said to David, Come to me, and I will give thy flesh unto the fowls of the air, and to the beasts of the field.
Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.
…
And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came, and drew nigh to meet David, that David hastened, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.
And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but there was no sword in the hand of David.
…
And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted, and pursued the Philistines, until thou come to the valley, and to the gates of Ekron. And the wounded of the Philistines fell down by the way to Shaaraim, even unto Gath, and unto Ekron.

Solomon the Unwise

King Solomon, wisest of kings,
specialized in cutting things:
“Split this here!” and “Cut this there!”
Not a thing left whole to spare.

‘Till one day an old man told him:
“Majesty, my name is Joel,
and you should stop your cutting spree –
Hey, you’re a king dude, not a mohel!”

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Here’s another cartoon about the judgement of King Solomon the Wise, and here are all our comics about the bible.

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Not familiar with the judgement of Solomon story? Here’s the biblical text (Kings 3:23-28):

Then said the king, The one saith, This is my son that liveth, and thy son is the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son is the dead, and my son is the living.
And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.
And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
Then spake the woman whose the living child was unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, but divide it.
Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.

And that’s how king Solomon found who’s the rightful owner.
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The Second Plague of Egypt

Frogs had swarmed the land of Egypt
Jumped and went all “Ribbit! Ribbit!”
They frightened the community,
but some saw opportunity…

See, one’s plague is another’s pleasure,
one’s junk is another’s treasure.
Some feel frogs are vile as dung,
while others feel them with their tongue.

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Here’s a comic not so vague
about Egypt’s very first plague.

Moses Learns How God Created the World

I’m not sure how I get the ideas for some of my cartoons, but this cartoon about how God created the world had a clear line of thought that led to its birth. I’m gonna tell you all about it.

The Book of Genesis tells us how God created the world. According to Judeo-Christian tradition, the first five books of the Bible (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. Also called the Pentateuch, or the Torah) hold the actual words of God. Tradition states that they were either written by Moses through the inspiration of God, or were written by God himself and handed down to Moses together with the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. This means that the creation story, according to tradition, was given to us by God.

But if that’s the case, why is God telling us a story of creating the world in six days? It’s a story which is clearly so far from what science tells us today. How do we breach that gap?

If you’re an Atheist, it’s easy : you claim that God doesn’t exist, and the books of Genesis, along with its “how God created the world” story is plain Bronze-age mythology. Problem solved.

But I’m a cartoonist, and cartoonists let their minds wander. So let’s assume that God does exist. How come the story of creation that Our Father in Heaven gave to Moses is so far from what science tells us today?

I like the term “Our Father in Heaven”, because after all, I’m a father myself. Now if my kids came to me and asked me: “Daddy, how was the world created?”, what answer would I give them? Well, it depends of course on which kid is asking: if it’s the four-year-old, she’ll get a short, simple answer, in terms she could understand. If it’s the seven-year-old, he’ll get a longer, more complex answer. But you can be sure it won’t contain the words “Quarks” or “Leptons”. If I had an eighteen-year-old, who knew some basic Math and Physics, maybe I’d slip those terms as well. My point is: you fit the story to the crowd, because you can’t expect a four-year-old to have the same level of understanding as a seven-year-old or an eighteen-year-old.

And just as kids of various ages have different levels of understanding, so do human societies of different ages. Therefore, assuming that there is a God, and that God indeed gave the bible to Moses on Mount Sinai along with the secret of the world’s creation, to me it’s pretty clear he couldn’t have just start babbling about Quarks and Leptons and an expanding universe. The Big Bang Theory is hard to grasp even for ordinary modern day people, with all their education and sophistication. So what could you expect from Bronze-Age people, with no knowledge of physics or basic mathematics, who for the most part couldn’t even read?

God would have to explain the creation story in terms that Moses and the rest of the Bronze-Age crowd could understand.

That’s the line of thought that led to this comic.

Here’s another interesting thought: If God exists, and if he reveals himself to us again, what story will he tell us? Using the logic above, the story he’d tell us would be something similar to what the Big Bang Theory suggests, because that’s what humans are capable of understanding today. But that still doesn’t mean we’re anyway near the “Truth”, and that’s the sad part: even that story is probably very far from how the universe was actually created.

Just as many of us ridicule today the story of how God created the world told on Genesis, I’m sure 31st century scientists would ridicule the Big Bang theory and call it primitive. But that’s exactly the way human knowledge evolves – we make a theory that explains what we know about the world, and we find evidence to support it. But if we find evidence which contradicts our theory, we try and find a better theory which explains the world and for which there is less contradicting evidence. And part of that process is calling the ones who still believe in the older story idiots. That’s just the way science works!

Holy Moses, we have more cartoons about Science. And more cartoons about Religion!

In God’s Own Image

Since our lives is basically one big dick measuring contest, it only makes sense that this was the first thing on first Man’s mind.

Just for fun, I made an alternative bonus panel, to demonstrate how adding one additional detail can change the entire meaning of a comic. You can find it here.

“In the Image of God”

Let’s get back to the scriptures. According to the Bible, Man was created in God’s own image:

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Genesis 1:27)

I always wondered what does the term “in God’s own image” mean. Is the bible trying to suggest that God actually has arms and legs and kidneys like us, or are we similar to God only in spirit, behavior and our way of thinking? And if we’re similar in spirit to God, does this mean God is also competitive like us?

“Thou Shalt Not Compare”

Many people prefer the literal interpretation – “we look like God”. And this usually brings out the next question – what does God actually look like. Is God male or female? Is God white? black? Chinese? These kinds of debate are fairly common, and you can find them even in popular culture: For example, in the movie “Bruce Almighty”, God is portrayed by actor Morgan Freeman, an African American actor, who wasn’t picked for the role just because of his remarkable acting skills. And in the Broadway Musical “Avenue Queue”, Kate Monster argues with Gary Coleman on whether Jesus was black or white, until they are both reminded that Jesus was… Jewish.

I find the debate itself amusing, since its whole purpose is to prove one group’s of people superiority, due to the fact that “they look more like god”. Seriously? If God is white, does it mean that white people are better than black people? We’re back at the same point we’ve started at – man’s irresistable urge to compare himself to others – the endless dick measuring contest.

In the mood for some related comic? Here’s another comic about the long lasting debate between science and religion regarding what did first man look like.

And here’s a comic about how the serpent tempted Eve.