Puns Archives - C-Section Comics

Scottish Boyfriend

My Scottish boyfriend’s expertise
is using funny words like these:
Aye and Och, Aboot and Baw,
I don’t get these anyhow.
Whit means What and Moose means Mouse,
Ye means You and Hoose is House.
Why means How (Why? I don’t know)
Wee means Small ; And Naw means No.
Instead of Dirty he says Boggin’
(yes I know, it is quite shockin’).
Does he love me? I don’t know, but
he loves calling me his “Jo”.

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Here’s another take of mine on the Scottish language.
And if you’re into puns, here’s another silly pun cartoon.

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More Scottish If it pleases m’lady or m’lord, thou can followeth my comics on Instagram and Twitter. Haste Ye Back!

I also have a new YoutTube channel with cover songs for retro music of video games, TV shows and movie. You can subscribe to the new YouTube channel here.

Hip Replacement

“Listen to my pro assessment:
your hubs needs a hip replacement,
so relax, get with the flow.
Hip replacement – here we go!”

First we’ll make him go to sleep,
then we poison him. Don’t weep!
I’ll wipe fresh blood off my scrubs,
You say bye to your dear hubs.

Meet Cool Steve, his hip replacement,
Listen to my next bold statement:
Cool Steve will take care of you.
He’ll be your beloved boo.

Steve’s so tanned. Such a great hue.
He’ll do awesome stuff for you.
Whoa Steve, tell me, why’s your hand
on my buttocks? MY it’s tanned!

OK lady, change of plan:
Steve appears to be MY man.
He likes me. You? Not so much.
I can tell it by his touch.

It’s a twist to our short plot.
Though I’m not gay, hell, I’m not.
I’m still straight but Steve’s SO hip,
that I’m gonna let it slip.”

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Here’s an oldie I drew about wrong side surgery (and other medical mistakes that should never happen).

And here’s more cartoons featuring doctors.

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You can follow my hip cartoons on Instagram and Twitter.

Anti Waxer

Anti vaxxer, anti waxer
which is stranger, can you answer?
One won’t vaccinate her child
the other lets her pubes grow wild.
Freedom people, hey, rejoice –
It’s a matter of self choice.
Though they’re not the same, oh no.
One’s purely aesthetic, bro.
the other can make millions die,
can you guess which one and why?

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(Fun fact: I spent half an hour of my life contemplating on whether it should be “Anti Waxer” or “Anti Waxxer”.)

Here’s an oldie I drew in 2013 – how we react to vaccines. Even when I drew that one, I never believed that I’ll live to see outbreaks of measles, and so close to home, literally.

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More crazy shit on Instagram and Twitter

Dad Jokes

Dad jokes are a sad facade
behind them – an unhappy man,
lost in a suburban hell,
trapped inside in a minivan.

Dad jokes are a beam of light
for a guy who has no life,
gave up spare time for a job,
providing for his kids and wife.

So next time that you hear your dad
telling jokes that he ought not,
smile to him and hug him dearly
because my friend, it’s all he’s got.

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More comics about dads?
Here’s a comic about Dad having “the talk” with junior.
Here’s a comic about Dad teaching us some table manners.
And here’s my entire parenting archive.

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UPDATE: This comic reached reddit’s front page, generating interesting conversation about parenthood, frustration, and hope.

UPDATE 2: Some of you may know that if you hover over the main comic image, you may get an extra joke (try it now). Someone on reddit took the pun in the comic’s hover text seriously and printed this comic on paper to prove that it’s indeed “tearable”… Thanks, /u/coldstar !

Vitamin D

“Le poème du douchebag” (The douchebag’s poem)

Babe you are a fine female,
yet you look a little pale.
What you need, it seems to me,
is good ol’ fashioned Vitamin D.

Hey don’t go babe, hear me out –
don’t give me that MeToo pout!
I’m all in for women’s rights:
The right to feel my private parts;
The right to hear my dirty puns
(trust me I have nasty ones);
The right to be harassed by me;
I am God’s gift – can you not see?

Girl, what’s with that angry gaze?
Boy I miss the good old days
when men could tell some dirty jokes
without being cast out by folks;

When men could treat women like dirt
and pinch a hiney through a skirt.
Those days are long gone, and so now,
how’s a dude supposed to plow?

The Seventies – the golden years,
when sexual predators had no fears.
Man I miss living back then,
the best times for abusive men!

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🙁

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More comics with strange guys trying to hit on girls at bars:
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